Heists

After the recent heists across the world, people keep asking me if I had anything to do with it. The two biggest ones I can name are the cash depot heist in Britain, and the art heist in Rio. I assure you as unlikely as it sounds, it wasn't me. My reputation as an international man of mystery has taken a bigger name than I can admit to. Though I am mysterious, I am not by any means international.

I won't lie; I could have used that $74 million from the cash depot heist, but I haven't ever been to Great Britain. I was also at school at the time of the incident, so my alibi is legitimate.

The famous pieces of art stolen from a museum in Rio during their Carnival festivities also weren’t me. I do enjoy Dali, but not so much Matisse. The rest that were taken seem to be the kind of art arrogant people have just to say they have it, not really to enjoy it. I’m not arrogant.

I hope everyone can sleep better tonight knowing it wasn’t me who pulled these heists. Everyone can stop pointing their fingers at me now. Also, remember that I am indeed mysterious.